The Ugly Duckling

Once upon a time, there was a little duckling. This ugly duckling was exceptionally ugly, and nope, wrong answer – it did not grow up and became a beautiful swan. That’s the fairy tale version. Anyway, back to the story. This ugly duckling was kind of unfortunate and lost its way, finding itself among babies swan. Hmm…I really got no idea what young swans are called.

This ugly duckling befriended this baby swan and they were really good friends, at least to this ugly duckling. The baby swan was very nice indeed to this duckling. Yet, somehow there were little, little things that ignite the unwanted feeling. I guess there was this missing link. The ugly duckling could sense the lack of this thing we called belonging. After all it was at this place full of beautiful swans and could not feel small.

That was then, the little ugly duckling finally learnt, no matter how things were, he was always the different one.

Back to work

Eight to five,
Five to eight,
Sun has set,
And it’s late,
Brain is dead,
But target is at stake.

Tired fingers,
Aching back,
Growling tummy,
Dinner’s not ready,
This is not funny,
I’m already like a zombie.

Dinner is here,
I’m smiling, ear to ear,
Same old chicken meal,
Not the KFC deal,
Yet, food is real,
Hunger is healed.

Back to work, I sigh,
Target? Still rocket high,
I shall work my might,
Hope not through midnight,
Don’t think I’ll survive.
Now shall rest. So, good night :)


Nope, I did not take any time off doing this in office hour though the post would be right in the morning. Actually wrote this while I was watching the last episode of CSI: Miami over 8TV. Great show, sad that it has ended. Anyway, time to work again.

Again??!

This is way too frequent! 2 times in 3 months!

Well, i was knocked down again, this time by a bike, also in Jalan Ampang.

Note the also, yah, was knocked down by a car in July, and that time fixed my bike, the cost amounting to more than 100 bucks.

Luckily this time was better... no big damage to my bike, but i'm now starting to feel a little sore over my ankle.. cant get up without help just now. So i guess now its the aftermath.

Also spots of blue & black starts to appear.. perhaps its time i go & see the in-house doctor. : )

Anyway, i guess i really should count my lucky stars that no big injury, i quote from a certain someone who used to say - only laceration and abrasion wound, no fracture, minor injury. Or in other words, ME nad. hahaha.. :þ

Mental Arithmetic

Went to an err... kind of distant relative house yesterday night for loose kind of tang lung festival gathering. It was more like a potluck kind of thing where my sis and I didn’t contribute anything. We were more like just go there to play with the kids there, including my 2 adorable nieces.

Also had a chat with this 10 year old kid who, in the midst of all the commotion was trying to do some arithmetic. It was not those calculator using plus, minus, multiple & divide. I know, kids at that age, using calculator is like… er... illegal in school terms. Anyway, she was using another kind of apparatus – which was abacus. Yes, you got it right, it’s those mind, fast counting technique call mental arithmetic.

Apparently there are 10 grades, grade 10 being the easiest, going down to grade 1. This 10 year old student is currently in grade 3. As I flipped through her work, it includes multiple & divide, with complicated combination of numbers including the chapter on “perpuluhan”. Funny, I even know what the thing is called in mandarin but the English term just refuse to come to my mind.

Anyway, she was to sit for this mental arithmetic test the day after. If I remember correctly, the exams fee was about RM 100++, and it only last 4 minutes. Applicants were supposed to finish 30 questions in 4 minutes. Just 4 minutes. Max incorrect answers allowed were only 2. More than that, sorry, you would need a re-test.

In the mean time, she has a younger sister who is in standard 1 now. She is now in grade 10 – the requirement for test is to finish 10 questions in 1 minute. Same thing, max incorrect answers also 2.

Gosh, I can’t do that, even with my ever loyal scientific calculator. And I heard that mental arithmetic was already started in class for standard 1. Can’t really imagine what kids go through these days. Perhaps I could start myself in those mental arithmetic classes. Haha… or perhaps not, what I count these days is only money, regardless of large sum or small sum. Till then, I shall rely fully, entirely on my beloved scientific calculator.

Devillish Mind

No doubt the $$ involved was a rather big sum ... depending on what it is for or how I see it. Especially now that I’m like out of budget and owing someone a sum that is equivalent to my monthly salary. Also no doubt that I won’t die not earning the extra $$. Yet something is niggling at my mind. I still owe her the big green colour piece of money and she is in a way "preventing" me from earning it back. It’s just some minor people attitude and if it affects me, I don’t like it. Perhaps right now i'm sort of easily agitated.

Just because someone who does not read their sms as there is no space for new messages is NOT my fault. It’s her mistake, unconcern attitude. I have the right to be angry and I certainly hope that bearing grudge and unforgiving is the pick of the week. The heck with plotting revenge and not forgiving is bad for health and making own self unhappy. I prefer to opt for the not-so-forgiving attitude. I refuse to be those goody two shoes angels, which by far, I’m nearer to those fork carrying devils. They are much more the easier pick.

It has been more than an hour and I’m still no okay with it. If I say I’m fine, then I’m lying with my eye wide open and trying to control my anger by my own way. But for this time being, I’m not.. and refuse to let it rest and let her have a peace mind. I’m not okay and that’s it. Period.
I don’t care and she better not dump some apparently "flower" to make me happy. It’s just me with flowers don’t click. People don’t give me flowers and it doesn’t stay long.



Taking a deep breath and I do think that blogging is a good anger therapeutic therapy. Somehow, a little of the anger has evaporated together with the 292 words up there, but I think I shall still put on an irritated face for the fun of it.


Hahaa.. the above was actually typed over the weekend. Dont really have the access from home. So only can post it today. And funnily, there is no more anger. Not even a little bit. So i guess time do heal wounds or i suppose in this context, sore feelings.

Bored!!!!

I'm bored! I need a life!
hmm.. sounds like the is recurrence of boredocarcinoma!!
I'm bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!
bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!
bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!

Okie, i'm done, i guess i better go settle what day asked me to do first ;þ

Post "Post Holidays Syndrome"

Last weekend went to an er.. island for hols. Already back at work yesterday. So i'm off whatever post holidays syndrome - reluctance to work, give me a few more minutes to sleep, and all those symptomatic symptoms. But the post post holidays syndrome was even worse. I was straining my poor back to wash the backlog clothes. It seem mountain high, and to think that i did not even bring a lot of clothes on the short break. Funny where all those turn out from.

Anyway, was really, really tired yesterday. Couldn't even stay for OT to earn back the $$ that i used the other day. Haha.. However, though i could not stay to earn extra dough, i had to go home to clear my backlog clothes. So it does not differ much.

Lucky that a friend came over to visit last night.. and drove me to dinner. It was another welcome break. And noted it's time to start work again.. while i nurse those symptomatic post holidays syndrom & post post holidays syndrome.

A written will

A friend sent me this poem. Something in which we need to reflect on the way we should be living and not how should we pass over this world. And it shouldn't in anyway meant to be depressing. :p

If I die tomorrow,
Wear on me loosely a tie,
Bright coloured, not dull,
Fix on my lips, a smile wide, like when I was alive.

Fist my right hand over my heart,
For it was dear to me,
Every memory and sentiment in it,
Let me rest with, and in my right hand may they be

If I die tomorrow,
Clothe me simple, not smart,
For that is how I arrived to this world,
That is how I should depart

In my left hand put a rose,
Uncropped,
With snare and thorn,
To remind the world of the life I lived,
Beautiful, yet not short of scorn

If I die tomorrow,
At my funeral, sing a happy song,
Send me away cheerfully,
To God, and to the heavens where I belong

Cry not, and grieve not,
‘Tis no big deal,
And know I’m in a beautiful place,
That this is His will.

If I die tomorrow,
Tell mother I love her, though we never sang the same song
Tell dad he was my hero, he was, all along
Tell my friends they were dear, and I’d have said goodbye,
if I could want,
Not forgetting my enemies; that I forgave them; each and every one

Tell my beloved that I loved her,
I always had, till my last leaf withered
Tell her of the many things circumstance didn’t allow me to say.
Tell her I prayed for her, for God to grant her the best,
Almost every single day

And should I die tomorrow,
Take all my possession, big and small
Divide it whichever way, amongst all
But bury with me my photographs,
Of me and of the ones I loved till the very last
For with those memories I lived, through my brief life – carried me,
And with me I shall bring to dust.

Sigh...Winter is over.

This is the first, probably the last... :p

Nite has been nagging,
that Day had been slagging,
"Couldn't you add something?
a song, a picture, a word, anything?"

Though summer is everywhere,
guess Day has flown to Australia,
where nite is longer than day,
cause Day in winter seemed perculiar.

Now that winter is ending,
Day can no longer be lazing,
out with it a new season of blogging,
till Nite couldn't utter a word of bragging.

Have Day tried to write this poem,
gibberish is all it could make,
positively the last this will be,
Until the next, perhaps, maybe..

Head or Heart?

I can never understand – sometimes the heart just refuses to listen to the head. It’s like the head has make a decision but the heart just does not want to follow decision. It would make you dread, dread & dread.

I mean, how could that be? Both the heart and the brain is right in the same body, how could they contradict each other? Literally saying, scientifically, the heart actually does not control our feelings; its function is to pump the blood all over the body and does not involving in the thinking process. In fact, feelings are also controlled by the brain. Thus, this is even crazier; the brain is disagreeing with its own decision!!

Guess you are probably thinking… what the heck that prompt me into questioning this? Well, this logical thinking side brain of me has made a decision on something recently. However, though the decision was made quite a while ago, I have yet made any move/action to realize the decision made. The reason was simple – the other part of the brain, (correction: not even the other part, the other small percentage of the brain) seem to have a great power, it generates the unwillingness feeling and I dread to make any move. I am afraid things would turn awry, I would regret my decisions, I…

Thus here I am, still wondering if my logical mind made a correct decision, and as to why the other side of me is trying to prevent me from making a move…

Untitled

I have never been to PJ ever since that day. It’s not really long but almost about a month. Yesterday was National Day, a couple of friends asked me to join them over to Mid Valley to shop. Though shopping is not my favorite pastime but I have not really hang out with them for quite awhile. So what the heck, I thought.

As I ride my bike over the uneven road leading to PJ, the memory came flooding in my mind. I was fetching my sister that night. Before that, a phone call came saying that it was important and we were to go as soon as possible. I was worried, he never said of wanting to see us. Not this time. It was serious. As I was riding, I could hear my sister telling me that it was okay not to speed, the normal speed was okay. I slowed down a little but couldn’t feel anxious. PJ seem so far away that night.

As I reached Federal Highway, another memory came to mind. This time it was morning, about 11.00. This time, I was still fetching my sister. Her hand phone rang, after answering it she said to me," You don’t have to ride so fast now, they have wrap him up."

Tears started to flow… then and now…

To DAY

August 29th is the date,
This blog is a day late,
The big day for our day,
Hope everything she wishes is in her way.

May the day start with happy sunny rays,
May her worries turn out okay,
May her sorrows and sadness fade away,
Wishing her a very happy belated birthday. :)

Blogging Block

Something is in my mind but i don't know how to put it to words. There's a wall there... i cant see pass it.. and its blocking my flow of words. Has type and retype.. but i just cant form the words & fill the page.

Anyway, today is Saturday but i still have to work. Lucky for me, hit my target rather early today, and looking forward to sleep early tonight. I'm really depriving of sleep due to staying up to read the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. It was a great book but left me wondering how true was it. He was able to relate things and it really seem real cos i don't really know the actual story. Perhaps there isn't any "true" story. But think i shall not elaborate further, or this friend of mine would knock me saying that i try to influence him to buy the book. Hehe.. so i shall be good.

Whatever it is, tomorrow is another working day, at least for me...

The bus ride home...

The journey is rather long,
The bus is not helping with going something wrong,
My tummy has already started to sing song,
But my food volume is definitely not strong.

Evening has come,
Hours has past,
A little cheers for the bus,
It has finally come to a short halt.

The stop is bad,
For stalls are scarce,
The choices of food is lack,
Even the drinks there are rare.

Arm with water and bread,
Back to the bus I dread,
The bus continue to drag,
This makes the trip rather slow and bad

KL, please come quick,
Water has begin to drip,
From the top of the bus,
Wetting both of my feet.

Finally Maybank is in sight,
With Puduraya on my right,
Though the bus ran all its might,
I had been traveling from evening to night.

I am finally there,
After 8 hours of nightmare,
One thing for sure which I do not dare,
Which is - to take this red bus again even for a cheaper fare!!

From home...

For the ever first time... i am posting a blog from home.. in an internet cafe.. with a malay lady sitting next to her boyfriend (i presume) and surrounded by the majority population in Malaysia.

There are lots of games poster on the wall with astro - cartoon network channel in front of me. The most significant is..i am in this internet cafe that i have never been before and it of course, does not sell/serve any coffee.

Also, while typing this, i am hoping that it does not go illegal operation & go off.. has happen twice already in the mere 15 minutes of use. Hehe.. so this is still how Malaysia's online services go. Can't really comment a lot on it as i did not surf the net while in other countries. However, one thing for sure... you can access internet free from hotels in Korea while internet cafes in Cambodia are like mushrooms... blooming in every corner of town... sporting signs showing USD 1 per hour and things like that.

Home... reached home at 1 am this morning... had a good rest... home cooked food - steamed fish that i had not had for i dont even remember when, soup... ah.. laksa... ais kacang..
I foresee me hunting for more food in a very short while.

Only would be home over the weekend.. so very short... but still has the reluctant feeling of returning to work each and every time.
Till then.. see you back in KL

Photos of Siem Reap, Cambodia

Well, as promised, here are a few more photos from Cambodia :)

The blog on this - Restlessocarcinoma leading to…. my first 7 wonders

Perhaps...

Perhaps it was said out of courtesy…
Perhaps he didn’t really mean it…
Perhaps I have misunderstood…
Perhaps…

I could see the reluctance…
I could hear the hesitancy…
I could sense the unwillingness…
I could feel the irritation…

Perhaps I have outstayed my welcome…
Perhaps I have crossed the boundaries…
Perhaps I was wrong…

Perhaps it’s time to back off…
Perhaps it’s time to shy away…
Perhaps it’s time to get out of the picture…
Perhaps…

The Taboo Word

Actually pen this down a week ago, didnt really have the time to post it then. Do not have the heart to post this blog right now but since already pen it down before hand.. might as well..
though it does not reflect how & what i feel right now.. not even a little, not even at all
Anyway, here it is....

Well, all the whild i've known that the word is rather unpopular. Once you mentioned it, ppl would usually response in a , "Oh, so which company are you in?". those who tried to say sympathy would go, "its okay, as long as you earn money, anything is a job." Closer friends and the more witty ones would jokingly go, "Eh, don't call me so often yah."

i still remember that when i initially started working, i practically have to tell everybody that i dont do the slaes part perhaps not allowed to anyway.
Let me "illustrate: the situation in a clearer picture...

Scenario A:
the other day when i was having dinner with my colleague, an old friend whom she havent seen for a while called her - after telling her friend what industry that she was in, she continued with the defaulted, "dont worry, i'm not selling it." Meanwhile, i just grinne... hehe... she needs to do that too. ;)

Scenario B:
things are further proven yseterday when i went out with my 2 sisters. we were all talking to this person, lets call him A.

A: what nature of business are you all in?
my 2nd sis: construction
A looked impressed & look at my elderest sis

My elderest sis: computer
A: good job opportunities

then A turned to me... er.. well, i was a little hesistate to answer, rather trying to find a more welcoming yet related wrod to describe the nature of business that i am in. NOw both my sisters were looking at me too, probably wondering as to how i'm going to answer.

i looked at A and uttered out a word. He looked at if i spoke of the unspeakable and his eyes turned soft, speaking the common, "its okay, as long as you earn money, anything is a job." ;)

my 2nd sister then told him that i am not involved in any sales aspect but all had passed & i was given the "look". Hehe... perhaps next time, i shall probably answere that i'm in the medical line... well, in a vague, subtle way. ;)

by the way, if you still dont get what was the unspeakable - it is just a plain INSURANCE

Tomorrow

For you nite..

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck in a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You're always
A day
A way!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You're always
A day
A way!

Things could be worse

Read this in last Sunday Star, after reading it… I laughed out loud and was thinking - why didn’t I ever thought of writing this kind of letter to my mother. Well, in any way, this is a good article :)


Things could be worse

A mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made & everything picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom".

Fearing the worst, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with dad & you.

I’ve been finding read passion with John and he is so nice – even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion, mom. I’m pregnant and John said we will very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too.

John taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us, and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!

Don’t worry, mom. I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Julie


PS Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are tworse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home