Is it 31st yet?

I believe day & me are as equally as tired as piggy, though not to the extend of eating facial scrub. Thus there are things that even without a crystal ball, i can foresee i would probably have or developed by the end of the year.

1. Backache
   With such long hours sitting, yes, from practically 8 to 8, i foresee i'll probably need a MRI soon. Probably showed that i have disc prolapsed, bulging... All those pillows behind back, neck doesnt work. I have piggy's cat behind me, in several different positions but i guess i would have to start queuing up for the MRI.
   
   
2. Allergy to words like go, go, go; waive; post; accept
   We got instant messages with "go, go, go" in about every half an hour. I think by the end of it, i dont want to go, go, go to anywhere, except to my bed and sleep, sleep and sleep.
   
   
3. chickyphobia
   I dont know the exact correct term for it but gosh, imagine eating chicken everyday. My friend looks for drumstick each day, we work 7 days a week, meaning that she actually has eaten 7 drumstick, which is equivalent to 3.5 chicken. We contribute a lot to the poultry industry but hey, that does not mean that i wont have phobia.
   
   
4. Allergy to the 3C - chilli, curry & chicken
   Yah, yah, already got chickphobia, and most of the food served to us were either cooked with chilli paste or curry.
   

Well, i sure hope that 31st is here soon. :)And without a crystal ball, i think the dinner tonight could be chicken again.

Oh what a Christmas...

Christmas came and gone...
Presents came, parties all nite long,
Games got rowdy,
Now all I've got are pain and injuries.

Food glorious food,
What we had turkey, salad, pies, meat...it taste so good,
Now my tummy happily filled,
Food slowly turning into fat, I'm having the felling of guilt.

New year will soon arrive,
How long will it come, will the mathematician derive?
Another round of games, parties and food,
Who would have time for those guilty mood?

Merry Christmas

Woke up this morning, hearing the washroom being occupied, people taking turns to take their baths... and they are leaving for Singapore to celebrate christmas!!

And i woke up about the same time... getting ready to go to WORK!!!
Well, i guess it's just another day... cant complain...
This shall be a short blog... Merry Christmas people :)

The First Wedding

The first wedding. Or it should be the first wedding of my friend that I attended. Was not the first one that I was invited to go. I really had the heart of going, though I accidentally hopped on a plane to somewhere else that weekend. But that is another story. Back to this one. Was having qualms of going but a friend has been very nice, keeping me accompany the whole dinner, even fetched me there.

Well the story started about 2 hours before the wedding? I bought my friend a card, but upon opening it, I was lost for words. I only know the bride, how do I address the husband? To my friend & husband? Or and spouse? Or… I write both names? But isn’t it odd writing down the name and you didn’t even know the person look like? Or from now on I should only attend weddings where I know both parties? Haha… this seems a little absurd. Well, I finally settled into writing both names. Hope it don’t seem odd to them. :þ (I certainly need feedback from this one. )

Then, clothes, I don’t have something proper, my mother even commented that my jeans looked like a rag. But that was the best jeans I have. I am against wearing slacks, er.. its too much like going to work, which I also categorized it as odd. Went through my sister’s drawer, found a shirt to go with my erm-rag-looked-alike-jeans. What the heck. Haha.. I eventually went with a borrowed top and shoes. But hey, the jeans is mine. *grin

The dinner itself is okay, saw a lot of people that I haven’t seen for ages and due to my laziness, did not even send a forwarded sms or email, except to a few. However, my friend’s suggestion went down the drain, there were no eye catchy guys seen. Yes, if you haven’t already guessed, I shall make it very clear. She suggested that I go to the wedding and fish for some smart, rich, good looking guy. Hmm.. should’ve forwarded her the mail which I posted earlier on (referring to – "I found this funny…" post).

Well, all in all, glad I went, though I missed another treat from a friend. However, I have faith that if he has every intention to treat me, he would still do it and not decided not to be nice the next time I see him, which is probably next year.

I Found This Funny...

A friend forwarded this to me... and I found it funny... :)
No offence... but...


The Truth About Men
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gays.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND MEN?

Sleepless in KL

This has been the 2nd day in one row! i cant sleep... its not that i cant dozed off to sleep but more to.. due to unidentify reason i woke up in the middle of the night. It was a good sleep till a certain hour, i woke up and my eyes are wide open. And i cant sleep!!

A friend suggested that probably i miss someone and cant sleep. Gosh, my dearest friends, whoever you are, pls pay me a visit in my dreams and have mercy on me. Don't let me go on anymore sleepless night.

On the first day, i slept at 10 pm (that was the day before yesterday), i thought probably i slept a little too early and thats why got up at 3 pm before dozing off again at 5 am. So yesterday, i even watched vcd till about 12 am before going to bed. But i still woke up, this time at 6 am.. by the time sleep comes back... my alarm clock was going off again already!!!
Pls, pls dont let this go on... i want my sleep.. and desperately needing it...

Early Tookoff

i have no idea what had happend, how it happed. I dont even remember when it started. Perhaps more than 2 months ago?

I cant seem to finish my work in time, and staying to finish it does not mean doing OT, instead its doing charity. It did not appears that i'm doing it better or maker sounder arguement. However, i did not slack either. Wonder how all the time passes by without me noticing?

But hey, i finall did something right yesterday! i finish work by 5.15 sharp, and left at 5.30 pm. Er.. the additional 15 minutes is used to clear my ever-so-frequent-being-complained-messy workstation. Kind of like after war with papers. People were assigned to chekc the level of tidiness of my desk if there are VIP visitors. So i thought i'll make the surface of the desk shows a little more :þ

Though ther's the usual jam, but i even manage to catch the catered for housewives's 6 o'clock cantonease serial.

So i guess, its little things that makes birds chirps happier and completes the day!

"Marketing" Experience :þ

I moved to a new place last month. Loosely said, it is somewhat near a wet market. 30 minutes walk (if not under the sun) towards it. Soemhow due to unknown reason, it seems a little further when walking back. Perhaps, heavier by a few kgs after breakfast. Anyway, had my first marketing experience in a wet market in KL after being here for more than 4 years.

All my previous marketing experience back in hometown was - fetching my mother to the market, bought myself a newspaper, confirmed with my mother where to meet her later and sat down by the roadside, reading the papers & wait for her! Either that, or sat down looking around trying to amuse myself. Once had the opportunity seeing a trader holding a frog by the leg, swinging & smashing it on the ground and literally peeled off the skin before selling it to a customer. Okie, shall spare you other more grotesque description.

Anyway, last sunday, went to the market with my mother, sister and a friend. We had our breakfast at the market. The below is the conversation between a little Indian boy, my friend & sis.

Indian boy: Looking at my friend. Aunty, nak minum apa?
Friend: Tak mau
Sis: Panggil dia aunty, dia tak mau minum

The little Indian boy then left. I went over to order a roti sardin, coincidentally, was ran by the indian boy's mother. When he came over to deliver the food, he ask again, to my friend.

Indian boy: Looking cheeckily. Aunty, nak makan tak?
Friend: tak mau

it was rather obvious that the little boy purposely called her aunty the second time ;þ


After breakfast, we followed my mother around while she demonstrated her housewife skills on marketing. At the meantime, i was busy walking like a robocop, as i was wearing this slippery slipper. Haha... Marketing continued with us three, trying to keep out of everybody's way while awaiting.

I guess marketing experience for me never change, let it be in my hometown or KL. My role was always, keeping out of the way & waiting for my mother. As for market visiting to other places like Korea & Cambodia, that is another story :D

The Girl Who Almost Died.

Cyberjaya, Thursday - A girl, Joanna Jones, found half conscious in front of the computer. Her laboured breath and constant sighing had finally caught the attention of her colleagues when they realised that she is having a serious boredom attack. She was later found to have been lack of endorphin to subdue the attack. She was sent to the nearby laughing stockhouse in Sunway for emergency dosage of endorphin. Curerntly found to have been recovering well.

"I didn't know what had happened to Jones that day. She had always been bubbly and chatty. I guess the thought of having nothing to do for a full whole day in a strange place really gets to her. If it were me, I would have raise up my hands and say thank you." Sara Lee, her colleague commented.

Her other colleague, who was sitting next to her later said, "I thought she was acting weird that morning. She had just shifted to this current place of hers. Her PC was provided in a way that she isn't able to listen to music with her earphone. And messenging doesn't really help when the rest of us seemed to have found something to occupy us."

At the laughing stockhouse, Sunway Laughing Centre, where Joanna is currently seeking consultation. The doctors there were astonished. "This is the first that I have heard of anyone dying of boredom. It is really strange what boredom can do to a person, especially when one is in deprive of endorphin. Jones is what we diagnosed as hypoendorphinism. She would need at least a single dose of endorphin everyday for any misfortunate happenings."

And as for Jones herself, "Yes, only now am I aware of the condition that I'm having. Usually at least something will tick my tickle bones. I guess it was just the lack of sleep that aggravates the condition. Plus it is SO SO BORED that day. No work, no music, and I kept wanting to go somewhere and yet am trapped until it is passed the 5:15pm mark."

With this new disease that the doctors had discovered, Jones had the privilege to be their subject for research. She will have a free dose of laughter each day. "Discovering Jones had truly broaden up our research on laughter and how laughter really is the best medicine a human being could have. And it is crucial to the cure of being able to seek constant dose of endorphin, that is through laughter to prevent any news of death due to boredom."

-Reuters

Umizaru

Question of the day:
If you and your buddy are alone at the sea, 40 metres deep, 30 bars of oxygen, what would you do?

That was the question posed to 14 trainees who wants to be a part of Japanese Coast Guard's elite team of salvage and rescue divers.

I would not complain of the bad day i had yesterday, or the 2 rounds i have to go before locating the motorcycle parking lot, or i was way, way thirsty the whole 2 hrs of show (almost - my big fat brain forgot to pack water & ran out of time to buy 1), or that the cinema is HOT.

I don't know how to swim, let alone scuba dive, and dont know japanese and my chinese sucks. BM & English subtitles are sometimes off the meaning. But i love the show. It was a really cool movie. It's a simple story on courage, friendship & life. If you are those very demanding of great story, then this might not be your cup of tea. It truly is simple, potraying daily lives.

In the middle of the story, the girl ask the boy, "Why do you like to be a coast guard?". The boy replies, "Because I like sea." Gosh, i wish i was like him, know what i truly likes & do something related to it. Could i answer that right now? I dont, cause i really dont know.

Well, here's a link to a review & summary plot. BUT, please dont click on it if you are going to watch it. :)

Official site link

Call me GTD :p

What wonderful news i got today....been promoted to be a teacher. To kids!
Wonderful wonderful....imagine being able to play and tell stories and teach little kids not to grow up to be bad or corrupted. Creativity oozing out already on what to do with them.
I wonder why mothers would be frustrated on raising up kids. Probably because they had turned bratty? Nonetheless...this will be a wonderful adventure....when the kids are still innocent and young and CUTE! When they ask the most unusual things, and when they believe in angels and balloons dancing in the sky....when they can see things that we grown ups don't. When their imagination soar high up above the sky. What wonderful time will I be having travelling with them to the land where only they can see.
Teacher...what a wonderful privilege.
Call me day....call me great teacher day...
hahaha...

There's Something About Piggy

pretty woman walkin' down the street
Pretty woman, the kind i like to meet

Once upon a time, in a faraway land... ha... that's how story usually begins. BUT... this story i'm going to tell you is far away from that. Ahem...

Venue: a few metres from my work station
Time: a few days ago

That fated day, piggy walked past me. Perhaps it was the sound of her footstep. I dont know. I just turned & WOW! Piggy looked so different, so lady-like, so attractive, so ... i'm loss for word ;)

Other people said piggy make 3 big changes. Too obvious not to notice - hair, dress & shoes. Piggy straighten her hair, wore a dress, complete with high-heeled shores. I would've taken her picture, distribute & send mass-mails if i have a camera at that time!
ME? dress? Never wore a dress to work just yet. High-heels? I'll probably fell down before i reached my 10th step. Think many of friends are williing to vouch for that.

But that's not all to it.. each time she walked past (mind you, past behind me), i would spohntaneously turned my head & looked up. Hmm.. my friend said it was the foostep. Well, perhaps, i reasoned. Then lunch break came. Piggy said must change shoes. High-heeled probably take her half an hour to reach makan place. then she started to wear those flat sole shoes. Hmm.. no more sound but me still turned & look. How come? how come? I asked Day..

Then came Friday, piggy wore t-shirt & jeans. With sports shoes, which produces mute sound. And guess what? I still turn! Haha.. Day asked if my neck is tired, heck no. So i guess in the mean time, i'll probablykeep on turning, seeing piggy walks with bouncing hair, and generates air as she past :þ


P/s: you know what? i pressed ctrl+z to undo something and the whole post disappear. And it doesnt pay to press ctrl+shift+z... this post.. make me type sooooo looooong ;)

Oh, How I hate!

Grr.....somebody made me REAL mad today. Apart from being an insensitive pig, I had never seen such a arrogant, cocky fellow. A real pretense and a fake.

And all these isn't just from that single incident, that single episode that the person did. I guess it accumulated and errupted today. People say that the fella is a good person. And being the person that I am, everyone is good and nice. Oh boy oh boy....I think this is ever the first! The first to ever think that a person could be bad. And I've grown even to hate that person....God have mercy on me!

But yet I wonder how could you ever not dislike a person who had subconsiously ridiculed the occupation which you work as? Thank God there is someone respectful to tell that person off. How could you not learn to detest the fella who always act superior and treat you with disrespect and with inferiority? And I'm thoroughly amazed at how insincere, half hearted, shifty and deceitful the word "I'm sorry" were uttered. And people say the fella is a good person. Am I the only one being discriminated and being bullied here? Why would people say good when I don't even see even a tiny hint of it? Am I missing something here?

Someone ask me will I be mad for long. I wouldn't waste my anger on someone like this person. Being angry wouldn't do much comfort and be a waste of my emotions. Better to do something constructive, like shutting that person and breaking whatever means of connection. Talk also need to talk to my hand.

What does the fella did that make me pissed me off so? Geesh...don't even bothered to tell. That fella is just being a spoilt brat!

Pre Working Syndrome

Post holidays are drawing near
Here I am, shivering with fear
My mind is back at 2nd gear
Who knows, I might just shed a few tears (haha!!)

Mind you, I’m not telling tall tales
This feeling really can kill
I’m feeling depressed (I’m not lying, dear)
Shall call this – Pre Working Syndrome or fear :)

24 hrs more to the dot,
My work is no high-risk job
Yet I wish for more time to sleep like a log
Gosh! I want to wind back the clock!!

Wonder if piggy thinks this poem is saddening
Or even worse, finds it boring! (Oh no!)
Just my another attempt at poem posting
Any yes, Jel, blogging still has this therapeutic thing (Thanks)

Anyhow Nite tries to make a comeback [Hope it works ;)]
Thought the content is still a little sad
Hope I didn’t make it sound so bad
Or, best guess - my brain cells are probably dead. :þ


Btw, this is written the day before yesterday..

Calvin and Hobbes

Found this on the newpaper yesterday.

Calvin: Do you think our morality is defined by our actions or by what's in our hearts?
Hobbes: I think our actions show what's in our hearts.

What would U call it?

I'm having this problem which I don't and can't describe what it is. It isn't restlesscarcinoma as nite had the last time. I'm beginning to think that it is a whole new disease all together. Thus I try to come out with a couple of names that may somehow relate to it.

It all started when I'm doing some testing on something - you can call it experiment. An assignment. Anything. Then the head wtill start to probe. Vision began to swim. Body begin to start restless. And chewing the gum - bubble gum some more doesn't help to distract the screaming that say - STOP DOING AND GO HOME! Thus this IS critical...and it needed a name to describe it see? Thus came a whole string of ideas of what that name may come out to be.
Could it be - testisitis? - nite said that it sounded more like inflammed testis.

What about testalgia? - nite said more like painful testis, like someone had kicked it - ouch!

hmm...then i thought maybe it could be cranionitis? - head inflammed? sounded not nice at all.

Then I thought - perhaps bortestalgia - some weird language.

How about - sleepitesbornitis? cool?

And ermm.....whatever.

The clock is ticking, the long arm is almost pointing to the number which I can free myself. You know what? I may be cured the minute it does!

But it would be cool if you can think of a name for that acute disease thingy. Any takers?

dayNnite

At times when things go gloom,
Then people will say "All's doom",
But it is just the matter of perspective,
Perhaps just being too narrative?,

Weather reflected what was written,
Maybe boredom was what we had been bitten,
Should that be a reason,
For things we wanted to be decent?

Other people said that we are sad,
Are we sad? Or are we just being 'bad'?
Not wanting to share of our joy,
Maybe that is the thing we wanted to ploy?

Ok, ok...we will cheer up,
Even though the rain don't seem to let up,
Perhaps we are just waiting for the sunshine,
Until then do treat us well and kind :p

So let day be day,
And nite continue to be nite,
Soon the gloom will go far far away,
This is what makes us special, isn't it rite? :D

Gloomy Nite

Piggy complained... dayNnite has been too gloomy these days...
Hmm... piggy said it was not the colour, it was not the font, it was the posts.
Looking back, out of the 8, i have posted about 6... and sad to say that almost all of the six... er.. fits in piggy's gloomy description.

So... in order to make things more cheerful, i have decided to take a break from blogging... hope day will make things more lively, chirpy & happy...

Till then... cheers...

Unfruitful day?... almost...

Woke up in the morning and found a piece of paper on the table. My sister left me a to-do list. Or rather, not to forget list. After looking at it, I decided to add a few more to it. Got ready to go out, it was rather rare that I do not work on Saturdays as well, so better make a good use of it. Planned out my route and off to the other end of the town.

Reached there, saw this big sign on the door – OUT FOR MEETING, will be back at 10.45 am. Hmm… wrong time, but looking at my watch, only another half an hour to go, might as well wait, rather than make another trip over. Besides, I have yet taken my breakfast and armed with newspaper, definitely take me more than 30 minutes.

11 am, hmm… still OUT FOR MEETING. Okie, I reasoned, traffic jam, overrunning meeting…Ah… finally, he was back. The other bomb shell… I was told I was supposed to bring both the receipt and the pass. D*rn. I practically only use probably only 1% of my brain, where’s the other 99% to help me remember that little piece of paper. I didn’t cross the whole town in a Saturday morning to eat roti canai & drink teh tarik. I feel like biting my own head off. Next week it’s close due to the double celebration. I have to cross the town again the week after… sheesh…

There’s about 10 items in the list and I have spent the whole hour plus waiting for nothing. Dropped by the locksmith shop, he practically duplicated a “wrong key”. Wrong as in, the duplicated key can’t even go in the hole. He was a rather chatty person; attended to 2 customers who came in after me just to talk… er… I’m making assumption but it seriously look like it. As if I’m that high PR person.

Well, ffind enough time to accomplish a few items on the list, but those highlighted IMPORTANT ones…err…not done… so, unfruitful day?

Possessed

We had heard about people being possessed by some supernatural force. But only today I found out that even non biological things could also be possessed.

All of a sudden, my colleague's PC mouse indicator started to run all around the screen. She tried to control it, but to no avail. What happened? My mouse going crazy already. Her mail box started to close down. The system which she was in started to crash. Another window popped up. Empty screen. Amazed, my colleague just sat there and stare.

Then out came these words....
"Sekejap ya, nanti PC kamu akan kembali normal. Tolong shut down dulu baru buka PC balik"
Both of us started to laugh....Ironically she typed back...
"OK. TQ."
:p

Tactical Influencing to Win

Today is the 3rd time I attended training. To be exact, 2 and a half. The first one was terrible, horrible, boring, bad, sucks… whatever negative adjective you can think of will fits in perfectly. Even the name doesn’t sound nice – I’m a tree. Well, I don’t feel like I’m a tree after the session, I only felt that I want it to end immediately…haha…

The 2nd one, I actually kind of looking forward to the second one, however I only attended about 2 hours of it before I left due to unforeseen circumstances. Never mind about that. I can’t change that.

The 3rd one… today… my other 2 friends received the same puzzling email as I did. Out of nowhere, we got this mail telling us that we were nominated to attend this training, called Tactical Influencing to Win. What did we do? Or perhaps, what didn’t we do? We were too noisy? Too quiet? They ran out of people to nominate? They even scare that we don’t know how to confirm our attendance; they helped us to do it.

It was a little better than the tree thingy, but no better. We felt that we were being scapegoat. Or some unfit jigsaw puzzle. There is no way where we get to influence or persuade people, in fact, it was people who persuade us, to work after work, weekends, public holidays. Then why are they sending us? To let us know that there could be so many ways of generating influence? I seriously cannot see I’ll be using it in my daily life. I’m sorry that I was not enjoying it. Anyhow, I think I should try to give it justice… I’ll try to think of something nice about it…

1. There were 2 tea break, food is quite good
2. I get to see how my future working place is like
3. I don’t have to countersign for a day
4. err…I seriously run out of things to say…

So, that’s it, think I shall skip writing the other side of the coin. Not to influence people to not to go to training. ;)

R**n

Yesterday, I spoke of the word, my friend hushed me… telling me not to speak of it. We were happy to see the sunshine. Had not seen it after leaving work for I don’t even remember when. It was either I was late, or the sky was dark. Both he and I were riding our bikes back and fro to work. I know in the 365 days in one year, there would be a time of the year where it would come in the morning, as time passed, it would sort of “move” to later of the day, till evening, exact coincide when we were about to leave work. Fine, I can live with that. But somehow the season seems to be longer this year.

I had been drenched countless time. Almost every other day I reached home wet, water trickling down from my hair or I could felt as it I’m wearing the other wet version of Nike Air… like I’m floating as I walked. Hmm… today I was not drenched when I was on my bike, though yes, a little wet, but things were a little different. I was forced to walk in the rain from the monorail station. So, I’m practically still all wet.

Previously I used to work OT, just to avoid it, when it comes about 5 pm daily. Then I stopped doing OT because it shifted to about 7 plus to 8. Now? It started about 5, ends I don’t know when. I can’t avoid it in whatever time I leave.

And when you read, you will realize, yes, I learnt to be paranoid, influence by my friend, just in case if I speak of it… it will starts to r**n. Opps… ;)

Blur!!!

I see nothing, I found nothing, I know nothing...
That's practically what I feel last night.. when was i given this whole big stack with pages & pages & pages long extraction figure about some penders.

I look through the whole comment and questions popped up in my mind...

1. what happen?
2. what did they want?
3. what did they call?
4. what was done?
5. has the requirements in yet?
6. how much did the person paid?
7. is it enough?
8. what am i doing?

Yes, see.. so many questions in my mind. And all that sums up - i don't know a thing that i was called to do. Zilch. Nil.

I still has like.. er.. more than 10 pages more... did i do it correctly last night? .... i don't know...

Moving Day: Version 2.0 - The Poem

Things are not much
Yet some already collecting dust
Even before packing starts
I guess, haste is a must

Boxes are not enough
More plastic bags but still not much
Wish I can sit & have a laugh
But day is ending & approaching dusk

Packing is tiring
Clearing is exhausting
But condition is demanding
So, clearing & continue clearing

Now it's time for lift hogging
Open the door & pull in the things
Help! The lift door is closing!
Stack the books to prevent it from closing

I seriously is really lazy to pack
Though the exercise might make me less fat
Perhaps also stop me from writing crap
Whatever it is, think it's time to take a good nap... :þ

Moving Day

Hmm... this is kind of like part 2, cos i moved once earlier of the year. Gosh, it's tiring. I don't want to move again, but i guess it never work. I'm being crazy, even moved my mattress over to the next place and leave the TV... apparently to kill boredom the last few nights. So now i'm like sleeping on the floor. The funny thing is that the parquet floor seems cold at night. Darn. Wrong decision. Hahaha...

The new place is great, i have a room to myself, i think i accomplish more when i'm alone. Dont exactly know why. Though it seems a little big for only 3 of us. Still looking for another housemate, hopefully, to cut down the burn in the pocket. But then again, i would not have a room by my own then. Whatever.

Now what? Still left a few things to clear, will finish moving by this weekend. Then... i certainly hope i dont have to endure another moving day this year. My poor back, aching arms, painful shoulders cant take so much in such short duration.

Till then, guess i better study the road directory. I still not quite sure as to how to go to work. *wink*

The previous post on house moving.

Interpretation

Days before I had blog this small poem....

Things that are may not be,
Cause things that are cannot be seen,
Only those that are will know,
Because it is in the head, though it may be slow.

It is interesting on how one could interpretate a poem. How one four-liner can bring so much meaning. :p

The story behind this small poem was this. That day, some crapper commented that the department where I work in is SERIOUS and the people are actually BORING and QUIET. Unlikely if you know the people there well. Not a quiet community at all! It was actually really funny how one can come up with such preposterous perception in one visit. Ignorant? Perhaps. So that four-liner was what I shot at the crapper.

And the interpretation was this...

'The place where you had visit was not what you had initially thought. The people here are noisy, but not in the way one would define being noisy. Thus only those that are living among the community, the department colleagues, will know that we are not at all quiet, boring and serious. And it will take a while for those that are not from the department to know that.'

I think the crapper is still pondering over the poem...if that person has any sense of wanting to know of its meaning. :D

Untitled

Things that are may not be,
Cause things that are cannot be seen,
Only those that are will know,
Because it is in the head, though it may be slow.

Competing for the heck of it

I promised that I'll blog,
My mind had clog,
Though nite said I'm not,
I had survived this day, who would have thought.

Piggy busy writing the last entry,
In time we will at last see that boy so pretty,
Only can see, so pity,
Imaginations run so crazy.

What in the world had I wrote,
Craps, Gibberish, Nonsense and book,
Something which I don't usually write,
Perhaps I should stop, am I right?

This day has come to an end,
No more trying to pretend,
Thank goodness it is here, "Hello, weekend",
I'm getting out of here, Amen!

Influenced

Have you ever felt like doing something because someone influenced you to do it?
I'm pretty much influenced now by piggy here. She was like blogging away...leaving me wanting to blog also. oink oink!

Here we are in front of this squarish box that had been staring at us all morning, and I guess till the rest of the day. Like nite, I'm also trapped in this square room. Luckily there is air-conditioned though. And I'm not alone, even though we were seperated by these gigantic monitors. Serious, the room is so cramped that you need to be of a certain size just to get through the door and across the room. Thank God I'm able to access the net in this room, which is really rather perculiar, because the PCs out from this room seemed to be restricted to the intranet rather than the internet. Hey...I guess in a way I'm better than nite! The only difference was that nite is able to entertain herself by sizing the room, whistling, singing, what else did she do...while i have to sit here, eyes looking around, senses sharpen, just in case the trainer don't see what I'm doing behind her back. And I'm stuck here for 7 hours rather than nite's 35 minutes. Someone come and rescue me!

I guess I would be able to pay attention more if the trainer would look more manly, taller, more good looking, wearing more dashingly..errmmm....I think I'll pay attention to the trainer than the training wouldn't I? :p

Trapped!!

I have this group of friends whereby we always mass-mailing to everybody and updates about life or discussed everything under the sun. Yesterday I received this email titled "Let’s talk about bad luck", my friend has a stretch of bad luck, and you know what? I’m having it too. Had been called by three different senior with higher authority yesterday and one practically freaked out, yes, which is the most exact word and shouted for me from across the room. Anyway, it is not important now; I can live with it, though I don’t deny I’m thrill over it.

Well, I suppose bad luck does not stop there. I was trapped inside a squarish, 6 panels, 6 ?pendarflour (how do you spell that?), 8 steps long, 5 steps wide, 11th floors buttons with a red colour life saver button and some scribbles on the wall. The number 5 was hanging there, stationary. Got it? If not, give you another tip – it has proven that I am not claustrophobia. Yeah, yeah, I was trap inside a lift.

To elaborate the scenario, I was being good, bringing the garbage down to throw. Thinking that it would be like probably 5 minutes thingy, I didn't even comb my already messy hair and went down. I was grateful that I got trapped after throwing the rubbish, otherwise I would have to stand foul smelling plastic bag the whole 35 minutes. Also I was privileged to be able to hog the lift all for myself. I was totally innocent, it was purely technical fault. I did not do anything illegal, was operating the lift correctly, not jumping up & down and I am very, very sure that I was not overloading it as it allows up to 1050 kg. I was only about 4+% of it.

The first few minutes, I tried to force open the door. Obviously, unsuccessful, followed by pressing the essential red color button till a good Samaritan knocked on the door, telling me to wait. The waiting period was spent walking around in squares, clockwise and anti-clockwise, whistling, pondering over my pathetic life (summary version, in flash)…

Then I heard a clang on the door, it was forced open and I was this lift technician, who then freed me. Outside, standing there waiting was a young security guard (the only security guard who smiles, I assume because he is young), the good Samaritan, and the owner of a convenient shop. Thanked them all, and the ironic thing is…I have to take the same lift again back to 9th floor where I stayed…

Child's Play

Went to my sister's house over the weekend, and there were this sort of gathering for my 4 yr old niece. My the other sister & me bought this er.. building block from National Science Center for her. [note: National Science Center sure sells lots of those mind triggering toys, I even bought a few bought a few for myself :)]

Anyway, it was fun seeing this niece of mine playing with it and while playing, my sister were talking to her.

Sister: So, are you an engineer?
Niece: Yes, I am an engineer.
Sister: Future engineer?
Niece: Future engineer

While she was half way building....

Sister: Is this your house?
Niece: No, this is your house. This small one is your house. My house big big one.
Sister: Your house got garden? You like garden?
Niece: Yes, I like garden.

However, we were interupted by a knock on the door, another kid asking her to join them downstairs. Later, she refused to be "interview" further... reason being, my sister brought a videocam with her...haha.. smart kid, knows how to avoid "reporters" :þ

Anyway, here are 2 pictures of her first "house"

Licence to Kill

Who would have thought that getting a dog licence could be so tiring. For a mere dog licence! Geesh...

I had my puppy for almost a year now. And people started to tell me that dogs also needed licence. And I thought "Whatever for?" And when my neighbour told my mother if we are not to get Belle a dog licence, she will be put to death if the authorities caught her. My beloved Belle, put to sleep? How could a mean man able to put such a cute doggy to sleep...heartless!

Anyway, better be safe than sorry. I asked around where do I register her. MPPJ they said. And I thought it would be simple. How hard can it be to get a dog licence. Obviously there aren't many people with dogs at any one time. Or so I thought.

Finding a parking place is like finding a needle in a haystack. I would think I will have better luck in finding that needle rather than a parking space. And when I went to the Menara MPPJ, looking for the directory at the reception area, I only found to guards sitting there. Funniest thing was when I asked them which floor do people get their dog licence, they were clueless...'Hello? How long have you been working here?' Anyway, they direct me to the 3rd floor to ask.

When I do, this sulky looking lady was looking at me. The thought of smiling at her just swept past me when I saw her face. How can such a pretty face to scarred by a sulk? Amazing what the upside down curl of your mouth can do to your face. Anyway, went to ask her which floor do I go to. And she went to say 'next to the Civic Hall' That was like 20 minutes away, opposite the road that is congested with angry drivers, crazy cars?

Breathing slowly, counting to 10, I went back to the car and drove there...well, it was my brother who was driving. He had been in the car for more than an hour now. Could see Mr Hyde crepting into him. I guess it happens to most people when you are in the car, nowhere moving and nature desperately screamed!

Finally found the Civic Hall, the MPPJ office. Again have to find parking place. Why does all the people does their things today, this hour?! Crazy. After a couple of round, I guess my brother had finally gone beserk! "I'm going home. This place is crazy!"

I guess, we will have to do this another day, when people aren't so crazy, and when nature call be relieved. :p Meantime, gotta pray that Belle will not be too outstanding for the authority to catch..

Her father

A friend wrote this. I wonder how many guys would first go the father to tell them that they like their daugther?

So we met one day, unfamiliar, unintroduced,
For a while walked past the other,
The other’s name, we barely knew.
So long I looked but then, did not see,
Until that something happened, it happened to me

Tall, fair skinned, perfect posture
Subtly waved tresses, color not lackluster
Quiet, not really; perfect? No way!
But always wore a smile, which took my breath away

Then got to know each other,
Over time, became friends,
Laughed together, joked about,
Shared a chat over her fence.

Most times, at least, I felt I knew her
Yet at times, I wasn’t too sure
For one time she’d be interested, so it seemed
Other days with severe disinterest, she teemed.

And so resolved to clear my confusion,
To answer my interesting frustration
I sought the one to her most familiar,
I went to one with undeniable wisdom, stature
Who knew better? Who else?
Bravely, boldly, I talked to… her father

"So... you see, uncle, I think you know,
Although I’ve tried, only so hard, to keep it low
I hope so badly that I don’t provoke your anger,
But uncle… I really like your daughter"

"I know it’s strange that I came first to you,
It was the right thing, plus I didn’t know what to do
It’s alright not to answer, I know,
It’s already awkward as it is
But could you find it in your heart, to tell me an answer…
Please?"

"So as I was saying… back to the story,
I think I love your daughter, she’s so very lovely
Since you’re both so close, would you happen to know?
Does she love me too? Did she tell you so?"

I prayed and I hoped, waited for his answer,
A day, then two, became a week, and after,
As relieved as I was, to get it off my chest,
Disturbed as I thought "He must be laughing so hard, at my naïve request"

The answer came, no less than a month late
‘Twas like the Holy Grail,
Descending from the pearly gates,
But disappointed I was when he broke it to me
"I know the answer, but I can’t tell you yet, you see"

Head down low, sighed first, and said,
"Why not? Why prolong the wait?"
"You know me; I’m not the kind,
Who’d leave your daughter in a ditch, nor a grind"

"Hear me out at least, hear my debate,
I just want to know - ill or otherwise - my fate.
So just tell me how it looks for me and your daughter…
After all, I think I love her"

In a polite manner, he sat me down on a stool
"You think you love her? You really think you do?"
"How do I know that’s the truth? How can I be sure?
For at least a thousand have professed it, perhaps a million, no fewer"

"You see, love is not just a word, it’s a lot of things;
Being kind, humble, or waiting till the fat lady sings.
Polite, forgiving, no jealousy involved,
Not self seeking, love searches no reward.
Trusts and protects, in truth it rejoices
Never fails, though threatened, and torn to pieces"

"You, son, even for an answer,
Patience you could hardly even muster
In your conversations you showed to be self seeking,
The times you said "me" in our conversations
Only hundred and forty eight… and still counting!"

"Just from our short chat, you’ve failed miserably,
So how could you have claimed to love, so easily?
If you really love her, then learn how to wait,
And learn what is love, like what my word said"

"Pray for her, though she may never know you’re praying,
But it doesn’t matter; who said love was rewarding?
And just be honest, be who you are; a friend,
Even when dating is becoming such a big trend"

He spoke in a gentle voice, far from rebuking,
Yet when he finished I found myself crying
Sobbed and ill-composed, I promised as I stood there,
To wait, and be patient, and for her…
This was my prayer:

"I pray to you Lord, that you would give her,
Everything good, nothing worse, only better.
Please bless her parents, her siblings, and her home too
May it be peaceful, and may she never feel blue"

"May you guide her path, in love and life,
Take away, Lord, all her suffering and strife.
I pray that you’ll protect her, all night, all day
And please help her always walk in your way"

"Keep her from evil, from every lurking one,
Even protect her from me, if evil I become.
And last of all, father, please love her always,
Keep her safe; bless her, all of her days"

And so I looked up, still sobbing and all…
There stood her father, smiling, stood tall
"By the way, don’t call me uncle - spare me"
"For I am your heavenly father, as I am, of she"

-J

Days After War

Things are worse, far worse after the war. I can’t even reach my target, let alone touching it. It’s bad, bad and BAD. All cases are vomit inducing, stress raising, and blood pressure elevation type. Of all those low frequency or possibility ones, I even got 2 cases of schizophrenia in a day!!!

Ask day, I dare say she will puts up both hands and agree whole-heartedly. She even said that it is even more stressful now as compared to during the war. It’s true, to every, tiny bit. All these "bersenang-senang dahulu, bersusah-susah kemudian" is definitely not my thing.
Gosh, I wonder how long before all those crazy cases will be gone. Certainly hope it will be real soon.

Bathroom Ordeal

I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. What can one do in the bathroom that requires 1 hour and 30 minutes in the morning before going out? Look, I’m suppose to be in the gender where everyone publicized that requires long, long time before ready to leave. But hey, I didn’t even take that long taking my bath and doing my whole week laundry!! This is absurd!

Anyway, it was like this, I have a day off after working till rather late the night before. After sending my sister off to work, unlikely I’ll be able to doze off again so soon, thought I’ll just do the pending laundry, pass a book to my friend and continue with my date with dreamland before lunch. It was just my luck that my housemate decided to wake up early that particular day and went in the bathroom before me. I was thinking that I might hog the bathroom for quite a while, after all it was a whole week laundry with my heavy duty jeans, so it’s good that he used the bathroom first. Heck no, I regret. I do know that he takes ages but that was after a day long, kind of reasonable if he wants to spend longer in the washroom… but this is early in the morning…

So I was thinking, what do one do in the bathroom that needs 1 hour and 30 minutes. I know it’s rude to keep track of the time but I actually going in and out of my room to peep if he is out already. So, whatever I can think of are below…:)

1. Wash clothes, tones of them
Unlikely, he sends his clothes to the dobby, richer than me, no doubt

2. Lazing at the bath tub
There is no bath tub in the bathroom, so.. nope, that’s not it

3. Sitting at the toilet bowl while reading newspaper, comic, whatsoever
Not that I know of, he didn’t bring anything out when he open the door. (I happened to be outside, thought he was out already)

4. Wash hair, also conditioning
My hair is way longer, and I don’t even take that long!

5. Scrub the bathroom
It still looks exactly the same, with some spots of dirt here and there. If he did scrub it for that long, it should’ve sparkle!

Hmm… I wonder if there is anything else… whatever it is, think I shall stay away from his routine and schedule. ;)

It is finished!

Yesterday was like the most exicting thing that had happened. And can you believe it that it revolves work? Me and Nite had been in the office, after spending about 16 hours in front of the computer, apart from keeping each other sane and stuff. Finally saw the day break. It was too bad that Nite had to go home than staying with the rest of us. But nevertheless....all of us had a great time sleeping in the bed till the sun screamed at our face to wake us up! :p

Working is fun yesterday, couldn't believe that I would say this, but working yesterday for the whole night long was fun...i guess it was more relaxed and people around us getting crazy any all. Brought the workload abit more at ease. Wouldn't you think so night?

We had reached and accomplished what we had worked for. Time to get some rest and had great lots of fun for the coming days ahead..

So Night....do keep me sane for the rest of the days coming...And I'll remember to bring some light to you on the way....by hitting you with the pillow....Bring lerr pillow, then we would have some crashing and thunder while we are working...hahah.

The Ugly Duckling

Once upon a time, there was a little duckling. This ugly duckling was exceptionally ugly, and nope, wrong answer – it did not grow up and became a beautiful swan. That’s the fairy tale version. Anyway, back to the story. This ugly duckling was kind of unfortunate and lost its way, finding itself among babies swan. Hmm…I really got no idea what young swans are called.

This ugly duckling befriended this baby swan and they were really good friends, at least to this ugly duckling. The baby swan was very nice indeed to this duckling. Yet, somehow there were little, little things that ignite the unwanted feeling. I guess there was this missing link. The ugly duckling could sense the lack of this thing we called belonging. After all it was at this place full of beautiful swans and could not feel small.

That was then, the little ugly duckling finally learnt, no matter how things were, he was always the different one.

Back to work

Eight to five,
Five to eight,
Sun has set,
And it’s late,
Brain is dead,
But target is at stake.

Tired fingers,
Aching back,
Growling tummy,
Dinner’s not ready,
This is not funny,
I’m already like a zombie.

Dinner is here,
I’m smiling, ear to ear,
Same old chicken meal,
Not the KFC deal,
Yet, food is real,
Hunger is healed.

Back to work, I sigh,
Target? Still rocket high,
I shall work my might,
Hope not through midnight,
Don’t think I’ll survive.
Now shall rest. So, good night :)


Nope, I did not take any time off doing this in office hour though the post would be right in the morning. Actually wrote this while I was watching the last episode of CSI: Miami over 8TV. Great show, sad that it has ended. Anyway, time to work again.

Again??!

This is way too frequent! 2 times in 3 months!

Well, i was knocked down again, this time by a bike, also in Jalan Ampang.

Note the also, yah, was knocked down by a car in July, and that time fixed my bike, the cost amounting to more than 100 bucks.

Luckily this time was better... no big damage to my bike, but i'm now starting to feel a little sore over my ankle.. cant get up without help just now. So i guess now its the aftermath.

Also spots of blue & black starts to appear.. perhaps its time i go & see the in-house doctor. : )

Anyway, i guess i really should count my lucky stars that no big injury, i quote from a certain someone who used to say - only laceration and abrasion wound, no fracture, minor injury. Or in other words, ME nad. hahaha.. :þ

Mental Arithmetic

Went to an err... kind of distant relative house yesterday night for loose kind of tang lung festival gathering. It was more like a potluck kind of thing where my sis and I didn’t contribute anything. We were more like just go there to play with the kids there, including my 2 adorable nieces.

Also had a chat with this 10 year old kid who, in the midst of all the commotion was trying to do some arithmetic. It was not those calculator using plus, minus, multiple & divide. I know, kids at that age, using calculator is like… er... illegal in school terms. Anyway, she was using another kind of apparatus – which was abacus. Yes, you got it right, it’s those mind, fast counting technique call mental arithmetic.

Apparently there are 10 grades, grade 10 being the easiest, going down to grade 1. This 10 year old student is currently in grade 3. As I flipped through her work, it includes multiple & divide, with complicated combination of numbers including the chapter on “perpuluhan”. Funny, I even know what the thing is called in mandarin but the English term just refuse to come to my mind.

Anyway, she was to sit for this mental arithmetic test the day after. If I remember correctly, the exams fee was about RM 100++, and it only last 4 minutes. Applicants were supposed to finish 30 questions in 4 minutes. Just 4 minutes. Max incorrect answers allowed were only 2. More than that, sorry, you would need a re-test.

In the mean time, she has a younger sister who is in standard 1 now. She is now in grade 10 – the requirement for test is to finish 10 questions in 1 minute. Same thing, max incorrect answers also 2.

Gosh, I can’t do that, even with my ever loyal scientific calculator. And I heard that mental arithmetic was already started in class for standard 1. Can’t really imagine what kids go through these days. Perhaps I could start myself in those mental arithmetic classes. Haha… or perhaps not, what I count these days is only money, regardless of large sum or small sum. Till then, I shall rely fully, entirely on my beloved scientific calculator.

Devillish Mind

No doubt the $$ involved was a rather big sum ... depending on what it is for or how I see it. Especially now that I’m like out of budget and owing someone a sum that is equivalent to my monthly salary. Also no doubt that I won’t die not earning the extra $$. Yet something is niggling at my mind. I still owe her the big green colour piece of money and she is in a way "preventing" me from earning it back. It’s just some minor people attitude and if it affects me, I don’t like it. Perhaps right now i'm sort of easily agitated.

Just because someone who does not read their sms as there is no space for new messages is NOT my fault. It’s her mistake, unconcern attitude. I have the right to be angry and I certainly hope that bearing grudge and unforgiving is the pick of the week. The heck with plotting revenge and not forgiving is bad for health and making own self unhappy. I prefer to opt for the not-so-forgiving attitude. I refuse to be those goody two shoes angels, which by far, I’m nearer to those fork carrying devils. They are much more the easier pick.

It has been more than an hour and I’m still no okay with it. If I say I’m fine, then I’m lying with my eye wide open and trying to control my anger by my own way. But for this time being, I’m not.. and refuse to let it rest and let her have a peace mind. I’m not okay and that’s it. Period.
I don’t care and she better not dump some apparently "flower" to make me happy. It’s just me with flowers don’t click. People don’t give me flowers and it doesn’t stay long.



Taking a deep breath and I do think that blogging is a good anger therapeutic therapy. Somehow, a little of the anger has evaporated together with the 292 words up there, but I think I shall still put on an irritated face for the fun of it.


Hahaa.. the above was actually typed over the weekend. Dont really have the access from home. So only can post it today. And funnily, there is no more anger. Not even a little bit. So i guess time do heal wounds or i suppose in this context, sore feelings.

Bored!!!!

I'm bored! I need a life!
hmm.. sounds like the is recurrence of boredocarcinoma!!
I'm bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!
bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!
bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored! bored!

Okie, i'm done, i guess i better go settle what day asked me to do first ;þ

Post "Post Holidays Syndrome"

Last weekend went to an er.. island for hols. Already back at work yesterday. So i'm off whatever post holidays syndrome - reluctance to work, give me a few more minutes to sleep, and all those symptomatic symptoms. But the post post holidays syndrome was even worse. I was straining my poor back to wash the backlog clothes. It seem mountain high, and to think that i did not even bring a lot of clothes on the short break. Funny where all those turn out from.

Anyway, was really, really tired yesterday. Couldn't even stay for OT to earn back the $$ that i used the other day. Haha.. However, though i could not stay to earn extra dough, i had to go home to clear my backlog clothes. So it does not differ much.

Lucky that a friend came over to visit last night.. and drove me to dinner. It was another welcome break. And noted it's time to start work again.. while i nurse those symptomatic post holidays syndrom & post post holidays syndrome.

A written will

A friend sent me this poem. Something in which we need to reflect on the way we should be living and not how should we pass over this world. And it shouldn't in anyway meant to be depressing. :p

If I die tomorrow,
Wear on me loosely a tie,
Bright coloured, not dull,
Fix on my lips, a smile wide, like when I was alive.

Fist my right hand over my heart,
For it was dear to me,
Every memory and sentiment in it,
Let me rest with, and in my right hand may they be

If I die tomorrow,
Clothe me simple, not smart,
For that is how I arrived to this world,
That is how I should depart

In my left hand put a rose,
Uncropped,
With snare and thorn,
To remind the world of the life I lived,
Beautiful, yet not short of scorn

If I die tomorrow,
At my funeral, sing a happy song,
Send me away cheerfully,
To God, and to the heavens where I belong

Cry not, and grieve not,
‘Tis no big deal,
And know I’m in a beautiful place,
That this is His will.

If I die tomorrow,
Tell mother I love her, though we never sang the same song
Tell dad he was my hero, he was, all along
Tell my friends they were dear, and I’d have said goodbye,
if I could want,
Not forgetting my enemies; that I forgave them; each and every one

Tell my beloved that I loved her,
I always had, till my last leaf withered
Tell her of the many things circumstance didn’t allow me to say.
Tell her I prayed for her, for God to grant her the best,
Almost every single day

And should I die tomorrow,
Take all my possession, big and small
Divide it whichever way, amongst all
But bury with me my photographs,
Of me and of the ones I loved till the very last
For with those memories I lived, through my brief life – carried me,
And with me I shall bring to dust.

Sigh...Winter is over.

This is the first, probably the last... :p

Nite has been nagging,
that Day had been slagging,
"Couldn't you add something?
a song, a picture, a word, anything?"

Though summer is everywhere,
guess Day has flown to Australia,
where nite is longer than day,
cause Day in winter seemed perculiar.

Now that winter is ending,
Day can no longer be lazing,
out with it a new season of blogging,
till Nite couldn't utter a word of bragging.

Have Day tried to write this poem,
gibberish is all it could make,
positively the last this will be,
Until the next, perhaps, maybe..

Head or Heart?

I can never understand – sometimes the heart just refuses to listen to the head. It’s like the head has make a decision but the heart just does not want to follow decision. It would make you dread, dread & dread.

I mean, how could that be? Both the heart and the brain is right in the same body, how could they contradict each other? Literally saying, scientifically, the heart actually does not control our feelings; its function is to pump the blood all over the body and does not involving in the thinking process. In fact, feelings are also controlled by the brain. Thus, this is even crazier; the brain is disagreeing with its own decision!!

Guess you are probably thinking… what the heck that prompt me into questioning this? Well, this logical thinking side brain of me has made a decision on something recently. However, though the decision was made quite a while ago, I have yet made any move/action to realize the decision made. The reason was simple – the other part of the brain, (correction: not even the other part, the other small percentage of the brain) seem to have a great power, it generates the unwillingness feeling and I dread to make any move. I am afraid things would turn awry, I would regret my decisions, I…

Thus here I am, still wondering if my logical mind made a correct decision, and as to why the other side of me is trying to prevent me from making a move…

Untitled

I have never been to PJ ever since that day. It’s not really long but almost about a month. Yesterday was National Day, a couple of friends asked me to join them over to Mid Valley to shop. Though shopping is not my favorite pastime but I have not really hang out with them for quite awhile. So what the heck, I thought.

As I ride my bike over the uneven road leading to PJ, the memory came flooding in my mind. I was fetching my sister that night. Before that, a phone call came saying that it was important and we were to go as soon as possible. I was worried, he never said of wanting to see us. Not this time. It was serious. As I was riding, I could hear my sister telling me that it was okay not to speed, the normal speed was okay. I slowed down a little but couldn’t feel anxious. PJ seem so far away that night.

As I reached Federal Highway, another memory came to mind. This time it was morning, about 11.00. This time, I was still fetching my sister. Her hand phone rang, after answering it she said to me," You don’t have to ride so fast now, they have wrap him up."

Tears started to flow… then and now…

To DAY

August 29th is the date,
This blog is a day late,
The big day for our day,
Hope everything she wishes is in her way.

May the day start with happy sunny rays,
May her worries turn out okay,
May her sorrows and sadness fade away,
Wishing her a very happy belated birthday. :)

Blogging Block

Something is in my mind but i don't know how to put it to words. There's a wall there... i cant see pass it.. and its blocking my flow of words. Has type and retype.. but i just cant form the words & fill the page.

Anyway, today is Saturday but i still have to work. Lucky for me, hit my target rather early today, and looking forward to sleep early tonight. I'm really depriving of sleep due to staying up to read the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. It was a great book but left me wondering how true was it. He was able to relate things and it really seem real cos i don't really know the actual story. Perhaps there isn't any "true" story. But think i shall not elaborate further, or this friend of mine would knock me saying that i try to influence him to buy the book. Hehe.. so i shall be good.

Whatever it is, tomorrow is another working day, at least for me...

The bus ride home...

The journey is rather long,
The bus is not helping with going something wrong,
My tummy has already started to sing song,
But my food volume is definitely not strong.

Evening has come,
Hours has past,
A little cheers for the bus,
It has finally come to a short halt.

The stop is bad,
For stalls are scarce,
The choices of food is lack,
Even the drinks there are rare.

Arm with water and bread,
Back to the bus I dread,
The bus continue to drag,
This makes the trip rather slow and bad

KL, please come quick,
Water has begin to drip,
From the top of the bus,
Wetting both of my feet.

Finally Maybank is in sight,
With Puduraya on my right,
Though the bus ran all its might,
I had been traveling from evening to night.

I am finally there,
After 8 hours of nightmare,
One thing for sure which I do not dare,
Which is - to take this red bus again even for a cheaper fare!!

From home...

For the ever first time... i am posting a blog from home.. in an internet cafe.. with a malay lady sitting next to her boyfriend (i presume) and surrounded by the majority population in Malaysia.

There are lots of games poster on the wall with astro - cartoon network channel in front of me. The most significant is..i am in this internet cafe that i have never been before and it of course, does not sell/serve any coffee.

Also, while typing this, i am hoping that it does not go illegal operation & go off.. has happen twice already in the mere 15 minutes of use. Hehe.. so this is still how Malaysia's online services go. Can't really comment a lot on it as i did not surf the net while in other countries. However, one thing for sure... you can access internet free from hotels in Korea while internet cafes in Cambodia are like mushrooms... blooming in every corner of town... sporting signs showing USD 1 per hour and things like that.

Home... reached home at 1 am this morning... had a good rest... home cooked food - steamed fish that i had not had for i dont even remember when, soup... ah.. laksa... ais kacang..
I foresee me hunting for more food in a very short while.

Only would be home over the weekend.. so very short... but still has the reluctant feeling of returning to work each and every time.
Till then.. see you back in KL

Photos of Siem Reap, Cambodia

Well, as promised, here are a few more photos from Cambodia :)

The blog on this - Restlessocarcinoma leading to…. my first 7 wonders

Perhaps...

Perhaps it was said out of courtesy…
Perhaps he didn’t really mean it…
Perhaps I have misunderstood…
Perhaps…

I could see the reluctance…
I could hear the hesitancy…
I could sense the unwillingness…
I could feel the irritation…

Perhaps I have outstayed my welcome…
Perhaps I have crossed the boundaries…
Perhaps I was wrong…

Perhaps it’s time to back off…
Perhaps it’s time to shy away…
Perhaps it’s time to get out of the picture…
Perhaps…

The Taboo Word

Actually pen this down a week ago, didnt really have the time to post it then. Do not have the heart to post this blog right now but since already pen it down before hand.. might as well..
though it does not reflect how & what i feel right now.. not even a little, not even at all
Anyway, here it is....

Well, all the whild i've known that the word is rather unpopular. Once you mentioned it, ppl would usually response in a , "Oh, so which company are you in?". those who tried to say sympathy would go, "its okay, as long as you earn money, anything is a job." Closer friends and the more witty ones would jokingly go, "Eh, don't call me so often yah."

i still remember that when i initially started working, i practically have to tell everybody that i dont do the slaes part perhaps not allowed to anyway.
Let me "illustrate: the situation in a clearer picture...

Scenario A:
the other day when i was having dinner with my colleague, an old friend whom she havent seen for a while called her - after telling her friend what industry that she was in, she continued with the defaulted, "dont worry, i'm not selling it." Meanwhile, i just grinne... hehe... she needs to do that too. ;)

Scenario B:
things are further proven yseterday when i went out with my 2 sisters. we were all talking to this person, lets call him A.

A: what nature of business are you all in?
my 2nd sis: construction
A looked impressed & look at my elderest sis

My elderest sis: computer
A: good job opportunities

then A turned to me... er.. well, i was a little hesistate to answer, rather trying to find a more welcoming yet related wrod to describe the nature of business that i am in. NOw both my sisters were looking at me too, probably wondering as to how i'm going to answer.

i looked at A and uttered out a word. He looked at if i spoke of the unspeakable and his eyes turned soft, speaking the common, "its okay, as long as you earn money, anything is a job." ;)

my 2nd sister then told him that i am not involved in any sales aspect but all had passed & i was given the "look". Hehe... perhaps next time, i shall probably answere that i'm in the medical line... well, in a vague, subtle way. ;)

by the way, if you still dont get what was the unspeakable - it is just a plain INSURANCE

Tomorrow

For you nite..

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck in a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You're always
A day
A way!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may

Tomorrow!
Tomorrow!
I love ya
Tomorrow!

You're always
A day
A way!

Things could be worse

Read this in last Sunday Star, after reading it… I laughed out loud and was thinking - why didn’t I ever thought of writing this kind of letter to my mother. Well, in any way, this is a good article :)


Things could be worse

A mother passing by her daughter’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made & everything picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom".

Fearing the worst, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with dad & you.

I’ve been finding read passion with John and he is so nice – even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard and motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion, mom. I’m pregnant and John said we will very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too.

John taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us, and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!

Don’t worry, mom. I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,
Julie


PS Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are tworse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home

Honey, I shrunk my head!

Serious!
Yesterday was like the most adventurous day of my life. Having had to experience my head shrinking. And my brain probbing at its maximum. My eyes had interchanged. Its right eyeball and left eyeball seemed to have a mind of its own. "Let us out! Let us out!" they seemed to shout!
The alien that was living within the core of the brain seemed to be playing paint ball. Shooting its bullets, or rather pins all over the head.
I ran and ran....in searching for the antidot. Frantically, almost turned into madness. Can't sit still. Eyes had gone to its limited temperature! Insane! Insane!
Nite offered Uphamol - instant relief? Nah....it isn't working.
Felt like banging the head onto the wall to crack open the skull. Take out the brain and gave it a good pull! Dig the alien out and gave it a good spanking! Soak it in Dettol, Dump it in clorox, alcohol, whatever....get the pain out of me...
Like Armageddon. Like Core. Like Deep impact....I search of my saviour....where is the world is he?? I was prayed over. The alien rebuked. Commanded to come out.
Exhausted, I fell and sleep...
The alien seemed to have scurried away during the night. No more playing paint ball! Hooray! What is left is the mess it has done in my head. Like The day after tomorrow....it is back to square one. If the alien ever comes back and attack, I'm ready for it....I have my acti-fast panadol with me now.

Unknown

I have frequent a supposely hygiene place but one might think it house more bacterias than you could ever think of more often than any time of my life these days.
Not that i opt for it.. but there are things that you just have to do.
There are things that i didnt foresee i have to do.
There are things that i didnt think would happen... as it seem so little, not tempting enough
But funnily, it still does. I am not too sure what exactly happen.. but to give benefit of the doubt, perhaps it is due to concern, its of greed.
I dont know..
really don't know.

Interesting... hide and seek?

Today i received this forwarded mail from a friend, think it is kind of funny, interesting hypothesis..
Anyway, whatever to be said is up to own discretion.
One can say it is mad to be in love, or no wonder that is why love is blind, or so, now i know why people fall madly in love. Either way...
The exact title in the forwarded mail is interesting... hmm.. think i shall change that a little.


A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!" All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness
shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.

Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..." As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding. Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of garbage. Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the centre of the earth.

Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking. And Madness continued to count: "...seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when Madness got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the earth.

One by one, Madness found them all - except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious of Love, Envy whispered to
Madness:
"You only need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rose bush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes. Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork.

"What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?" And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

Good vs Bad

I once saw in a comic stripe – potraying healthy food = not delicious while unhealthy food = delicious. Perhaps it is true to an extent. In another words, unimportant things seem more tempting.

I guess there is something about this brain of mine. Well, I have this important appointment tomorrow and it requires me to fill up certain form and read up some articles. And I should say, the appointment is highlight as "IMPORTANT, URGENT" in my to do list. Red alert.
Somehow, there is like angel vs devil fight inside me. I’m still not too sure which side triumph… but I shall reveal the "fighting" and let you decide.

A friend asked me to join this gathering thingy and to meet this friend of mine whom I have not met as frequently as I used to… well, I guess in this context, the "angel" manage to prevent me from going out… and the red alert in my to do list is still not accomplished. Guess I would have to join them another time.

Also I was so good that I went back to work on Saturday when there were only a few "little kittens" around… hmmm… guess the "angel" in me triumph again. But I guess my biological clock then decided to help the losing "devil" side… I had this really bad headache and decide to put off my effort to search for more reading materials for my appointment. And you know what? I took a 6 hours nap only waking up at 10.30 pm! And that was the "angel" reminding me that if I don’t wake up, I shall be the bushy hair, dumb-founded gal who cannot answer a single question. Also, my stomach started growling. ;)

So I dragged myself up and had a very cold shower and ate the unnourished instant noodles. However, I still trying to put the task that I woke up to do. I rather on the TV – watching "there’s something about Mary". Cameron Diaz still has the "electrifying" smile and I cleaned my room at the eleventh hour at night. Think my landlady was a little surprise with the noise as I noted she opened her door and peeped at me who swept the floor at some odd hour. I must’ve been influenced by the "devil".

Still, I did filled up the forms and by the time I was done… (err.. also taking breaks now and then to read Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix) it was already 5 am. So now I got odd sleeping time too. Whatever… the devil consoled me that I have another day to spare.
Woke up late in the afternoon today, obviously and spend my own sweet time reading yesterday’s newspaper and small start on my regular Sunday Star soon. That would take up a few hours of my time. And here I am writing the blog and before this even clean the ceiling fan in my room… I have yet finished the ever important task, chore whatever you name it.

Think I shall also scrub the bathroom first. So, what do you think? The "angel" has yet convinced me to sit down & get over with it. However, in the mean time, I had clean my room, dust the fan and going to scrub the bathroom. Is the "angel" leading the "race"? I don’t know…

 

Note: this was written on Sunday afternoon, 25/7/04

So near yet so far...

Imagine my surprise when the lift door opened. The office is dark. I thought to myself...no electricity? It is Monday isn't it not?

Then I saw a crowd standing by the elevator door. "Do you have the key?" :P The one who is holding the key didn't come, on leave, or MC. Yea! can go home and declare holiday!!

Minutes later, some one came and open the door...sigh....

The day I come early to the office, the door isn't open. Now that it did, Hello Morning...I'm ready for you now!

10 things I hate about U

i hate the way you talk to me
the way you cut your hair
i hate the way you drive my car
i hate it when you stare
i hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
i hate you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rhyme
i hate the way you're always right
i hate it when you lie
i hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry
i hate it when you're not around
and the fact you didn't call
and mostly i hate the way i don't hate you,
not even close, not even little bit,
not even at all

~ From the movie "10 things i hate about you"

Changes

Horay!
 
Finally there's some colours in blogging.
Wouldn't it a bored to see black and white the whole time? Or rather blue and white....not that it wasn't a good combination...still.

Nite has been pestering me to blog...until I hadn't noticed the changes here. Better write some craps before this thing goes mechanically, technically super duper complex that I don't even dare to write things in this...
 
Okie...changes. There has been changes happening here in teh office. People...or rather person leaving. People coming. Changes in the structure, changes in the management....and soon this will explode and evolve into something new....some new management and new environment, new bos...(scary..). But I guess....soon there will be new people to look at. Don't you feel bored if everyone around you are the same people...:p Unless the person you always look is cute! Hmmm...maybe that's why one of my boss would always sits opposite a guy!
 
So..changes...it could be scary...who knows how everything is going to be the next time? Mountains of work? Will there be 'pelampung'? Will we be required to work round the clock? Perhaps better benefits and better pay? not certain...
 
I have found a favourite word to use nowadays - PERHAPS. Perhaps it be good, Perhaps it be bad.....but either way the word perhaps protray much more sense of hope than maybe. Come to realise that certain word gives out more positive vibes than others. Like perhaps and maybe. Like yes and no.
 
And this ends my crapping for the day....till the next time....nite, would you come and continue as I retire for the day?

Spare part

A tiny soul
alone in the dark
not of any use
unable to fit in any shoes
 
It's like...
the 30th of February
the 25th hour of the day
the 61 minute of an hour
the 61st second of a minute
 
always the additional
always the unwanted
always the never needed spare part...

pictures of cambodia

Well, here are 2 pictures from Cambodia. Unfortunately the picture on Angkor Wat is not able to be posted up due to technical problem. Would try again some other time.
So in the mean time... here are 2 first :)
 

 

To be or not to be

This isn't something that I thought of out of nothing. It isn't something new at all. It has been there, been mentioned about, but no one seemed to realise the impact it has.

CHOICES.

I have come to a realisation how powerful men's mind could be. How when it had made up its mind, no matter how hard the situation or circumstances are going to be, it will go through it.

How we live. How we handle things. How we face problems. How we experience. It is through choices that we make.

I often wonder why God wouldn't just make Satan disappear. Then there will not be any evil people. There will not be sin. Hell will not exist. Then someone told me that God gives His people free will. He gave them a choice. To be or not to be. Right from the very start when we take our first breath, we are given a choice. 50-50 percent chance of everything. Think about it.

When we are born, we choose to breath or not to breath. Then we choose to learn or not to learn. We choose to relate and interact with people or not. We choose to be good or bad. We choose to make friends or to be alone. We choose to be friendly or a bully. We choose to be happy or to be sad. We choose to believe in God or not. We choose to believe in the supernatural or to be logical. We choose to be healthy or to be a bum. We choose to work or laze around. We choose to lie or to tell the truth. We choose to go or not to go. We choose to live or not to live.

Every choices that we make, that is the effect on our lives. Every choices that we choose, that is the experience that we might have. 50-50 percent chance to find out something new or to stay where we are. 50-50 percent chance of becoming better or stay where we are. 50-50 percent chance of everything.

There is only white or black. Good or evil. Truth or lie. God or Lucifer. There isn't such a thing as a grey area. It is just a process of the choices that we make. We choose to put certain things in the grey area, because we don't want to be white, yet don't want to be black. But actually, the fact that it is grey, it belongs to the black category already, isn't it?

The choices that we make today will determine who we are tomorrow. The choices that I make today paves my path in my life, to the place where I belong, to be safe and secure, to be the person I am to be.

After holiday syndrome

The below poetry was written by a good friend of mine..
i think it is true to every bit.. and she has kindly given permission to publish this ;)


the holiday has come and go,
when the alarm rang my mind went "NO"
i dragged my weary body out into the cold,
and give a little shiver of the what the day behold......

the never-ending designs that yells for me,
and the pending emails of things yet to be,
of numerous datasheets yet to be read......
the week ahead is just one big dread........

as i brush my teeth and wash my face,
a little cold shower to rid the daze,
i realize what i am doing is really mad,
i need a rich guy really really bad.....

sipping coffee staring at the screen,
my mind is still sleeping in it's dream,
floating off to land far far away,
today is going to be one long day.......

fingers numb, work is slow,
nothing is progressing, yet to get the flow,
how i wish that happy times will never end,
but for now all i wish is for the week to end.

hei, the clock is showing eleven o'clock,
meaning twelve is just around the block,
Work, work, work, my brain has yet to register,
maybe lunch is just the answer....

the bell has rang, lunch is over,
back to work, body charge with power,
of nasi lemak and a cup of water,
should be enough to last me till dinner.

after holidays are not for me,
as staying awake is just not to be,
the white coffee came right on time,
just thick enough and the taste just fine,

but food and caffeine is not what i need,
to feed the soul to perform each deed,
cause my stubborn brain is just not listening,
to anything my "to-do-list" is telling.

work is still piling, meetings just keep coming,
emails i'm not answering, dead cats i'm not eating,
the boss is staring , my colleagues keep complaining,
my intelligence is waning, my attention is slipping.

this laziness i would soon have to pay,
by working harder and longer the following day,
but the actual fact is just too hard to swallow,
in self pity i'm soon going to wallow.

help! i am going to start screaming,
and all my hairs i will soon be tearing,
please make me come back and accept this reality,
that the holidays are gone , really and truly......

since all my feelings i have ranted and shouted,
and half the tuesday has already been wasted,
i should really be working, i guess it's time
that i say "happy working" and end this rhyme

Fear

There i am...
standing at a crossroad
not knowing where it leads
unable to see...
unable to feel..
what lies beyond

rough roads
misleading signs
unpredictable weather
unforeseen circumstances
i do not know

i dare not choose
i dare not reach out

There i am...
still standing still
fear of the unseen
fear of the nothing...

Want to know what happened?

Initially I wanted this in the journal that I have in hi5. But hi5 has been a disappointment...sigh...lets not talk about it while I mourn over my previous lost journal...

Anyway... :D

I did a very naughty thing today. But it wasn't my fault. They were there talking within everyone's hearing range. :p

Yeah, I'm eavesdropping during my ride back from work today. Couldn't help it! It was filled with drama, intense, anger, on the verge of tears. 2 persons, one looked helpless. One looked annoyed. I'm just the spectator. What a display!

I only hear bits here and there, until the two of them left the train. And they left me wondering, conjuring some story to fit their conversation. What had happened? This is what I've theorised.

Let's gave them a name, though I don't know who they are...lets call them Harry and Sally. OK.

Harry met Sally on the train and got attracted. He accumulate enough courage to go up to her and say 'hello'. Soon they found out that they got off at the same station and their workplace is actually quite near. Somehow along the way, Harry manage to get Sally's number. I guess they started to contact each other or something. Now Sally is just treating Harry nice. But Harry thought Sally likes him as he likes her. So he began to follow her. Follow her to work, follow her back home. At first Sally doesn't mind, I guess...but soon, her colleagues began asking her, her neighbours or housemates began asking her. "Who is that guy that's been following you around? Your boyfriend?" Sally felt annoyed and got irritated. She doesn't like Harry. So she got up her courage and told Harry not to follow her anymore. Sally ignore him. She didn't answer his calls. But Harry continued.

So today, something BIG must have had happened. He must have waited for her at her office lobby and make a fool of himself. And when Sally came down, he must have called her name out loud and embarrassed her. This makes Sally furious and told him to back off..and on the train, she began to scold Harry. "What are you trying to do back there? I told you not to follow me around, but you still do! You are not my friend. I hardly know you!" And Harry was like pleading, "I'm trying to see you. I know that when I call you I won't be able to see you. I just want to be your good friend" To which she said, "What friend? We weren't friends in the first place! How can you say that we can become good friends?! You have even throw whatever possible chances of us being friends just now!" Harry looked helpless..."Why don't you and I go somewhere to talk? Let me explain..." "Then explain, why not here?" "Too many people. Come on." "What is there to talk that nobody can hear? That it must be you and I alone that can settle it? I have treated you so badly and still you cannot get it?!"

And they went on and on and on...until Sally left the station, Harry followed her out. As the door closed and the train started to moved, Sally turned and faced Harry. She looked really really angry....my best guess...in the end Sally slapped Harry.

When I came home and think about it all over again, I realised that speculation is actually not a good thing to do. I guess this is how rumours started. This is how word gets around from one person to the other, each put in more pepper and salt until there's only the outline of the real story. All the mumbo jumbo were the speculations. With little bits and pieces, I'm amazed at myself of how I could even write out even the beginning of the story until the end if I wanted to. How with just that few sentences that I've heard...what's more in some dialect that I know only a little about!

Now I know why stories and rumours can actually break a person. How sometimes, these little little speculations that we heard and spread can actually cause a person to be embarrassed, to have low self esteemed..or worst cause him to be depressed and soon become mentally sick and get paranoid and maybe run amok, harming others and themselves.

Gee....I better repent before I do any harm. Thank God those were just strangers!

The box in me that I am

A box invisible, intangible, unseen
Yet grips, mistreats, distorts
Though not the body, the blood, the flesh
Strangles, Suffocates, frustrates

In such a box I am, of my own mind
One that gives no less than a torrid time
While the exterior radiates, gleams;
The insides burn, steam trapped within

What built this box? What made it grow?
Who carpentered it? Who made it whole?
Problems, relations, tiredness, distress
Made the mind think, and sanity digress

30 days of wailing heard, cries of pain
No way to help, all advice in vain
Problem of the old folk, new to no one
Yet when it comes, they wish they weren’t that someone

Of union, of life, and news of death
Made the body tired, the mind stretched
Eyes turned white, as shock and horror
Turn the face to a near pale colour

Not my problems, and yet in it I share
Should it not be made mine? Should I not even care?
But the soul grieves, and the heart feels despair
For those who are afflicted, for those whom I care

Of these I am not spared. How about my own?
There’s that thorn, for so long; overgrown
The one that stings every time I sit,
Stand, crouch, lie or leap

The one that pokes the hip, pain
The one that tightly tangles the veins
Matter of the heart, conflict of interest,
Created hate in a friend, one dear at first

The one that hates, hurts
The one that is hated, even more so, hurts
The mind already torn, already tattered
Now continually flogged, repeatedly tortured

Pile upon pile, heap upon heap
Confusion overwhelms, blood pressures leap
Frustration, with a cause far unknown
Still finds a way to squeeze, to hold

Is it the inciter? The accuser?
Circumstance? Or just me?
That’s causing distraught in all I do
or see

conclusion? Who is the culprit?
The thorn? The snare?
I find no answer
In this 30 days, no answer was there

Only a clue, made sense, not much, but some
That It isn’t here, and it was never there
For that which I was in, I had already become
The answer is ME, I’m the invisible square

- anonymous